Recognize the humanity in others as you navigate conflict in the workplace
To effectively navigate conflict in the workplace, prioritize connecting with the person at the center of everything. Start by acknowledging the situation and expressing your optimism about finding a solution collaboratively.
Consider using these powerful phrases to start a conversation focused on empathy and understanding as you navigate disagreements in the workplace.
1. “I care about _____ (you, this team, this project) and I’m sure we can find a solution we can all work with.”
This powerful phrase works well because you start by prioritizing the relationship, and (as we teach in our leadership programs) “put people before projects.”
This is a reasonable starting point for navigating conflict in the workplace unless it’s wrong (or doesn’t feel right).
If you mean it…
Imagine you’re in a collision with a co-worker named Joe. You came together to talk about it. Joe opens the conversation with what can be a powerful statement, “I really care about you and this project, and I’m sure we can find a solution that we can all work with.”
Well, if Joe is actually a nice guy, who got you out of trouble last year when your little boy was sick… and oh yeah, just last week he told your boss you were a rock star at pivot tables (that sure was nice of him), that’s a solid way For Joe to start the conversation. You might think. “Well, I’m frustrated, but come to think of it, Joe always seems fair. Let me hear what he has to say. He’s right. I’m sure we can work this out.”
Now imagine the same conflict. Joe is different. This Joe recently threw you under the bus and took credit for your work. Oh yeah, and last week he laughed at your idea during the staff meeting. In front of your boss and everyone. Now, if Joe starts the conversation the same way, saying “I really care about you and this project…” you might think, “We’ll try nice Joe, but this is a tough stop. I don’t trust you.”
The power of connection
That’s the power of connection. The more rapport you can build before you need it, the easier it is to navigate workplace conflict when it arises.
Connection happens one person at a time. As you find the ground for easier collaboration, influence and trust, one of the best things you can do is get to know the people you work with on a human level. Treat them with respect and be trustworthy. It takes extra time, but you’ll earn it many times over as you work through conflict.
This means paying close attention and making careful choices about how you appear in every interaction. If you haven’t invested in the relationship or the other person doesn’t trust your intentions, even your carefully chosen words will fall flat. But more likely, your words will continue the trust even further.
2. “Let’s stop this conversation for a moment, and come back (an hour, a few hours, tomorrow) and talk about it.”
This is useful if the conversation has gone sideways. When you’re in the heat of a workplace conflict, it’s hard to find the right words. Taking a minute to pause gives both of you a chance to regroup and consider the bigger picture, the desired outcomes, and how to approach the conversation more productively.
You can also express empathy for the relationship, and your concern about saying something you might regret. “I care about you, and I’m worried I’ll say something right now that might hurt our relationship. I could use a few minutes to regroup so I can get back to being more productive.”
3. “It sounds like you feel _____ is that true? [pause for affirmation]. Thank you for telling me how you feel.”
This powerful phrase is a tried-and-tested relationship-building technique called “reflection to connect.” When you “mirror connect,” you either disagree with what they said or you agree with their sentiment. Instead, you know how they feel. you see them When you reflect, you check for understanding and create a common starting point for conversation.
When they know you’ve seen and heard them, it dissipates some of the emotional intensity and builds a connection that allows you to move on to constructive next steps. Checking in with the other person to validate their feelings can also help reduce conflict at any point in the conversation.
Here’s an example of this one in use: “It sounds like you’re really frustrated with the lack of response from marketing and it’s hurting your motivation. Do I have that right?”
These three powerful phrases will help you navigate conflict in the workplace. If you’re looking for more, check out this article for phrases to help create deeper clarity, curiosity, and commitment as well.
Coming soon: more ways to move from conflict to cooperation
As you may have heard, we are confectionersng a Global Workplace Conflict and Cooperation Survey, and as of this writing (May 2023), we have over 5000 participants in 45 countries. The results so far are fascinating and so helpful as we write our next book coming in Spring 2024: Powerful phrases for dealing with conflict in the workplace: What to say next to reducing the working day, building cooperation and calming difficult customers.
It’s not too late to take part, and we’d love to hear your stories about how you navigated conflict in the workplace. Filling out the survey takes a few minutes. It’s anonymous, but if you choose to include your email, we’ll follow up with you and share the analysis and let you know when the book is published.
More articles to help you navigate challenging conversations
How to say no at work: powerful phrases to stand your ground
How to Stop a Workplace Bully (Without Losing Your Lunch Money)
Affect knowing everything at work (strong expressions for more confidence
