The shift to remote work and hybrid teams has left many people yearning for deeper human connection. And even for those who have returned to the office (or never left work in person), a few years of “choosing our bubble” has left many of us feeling unmoored.
But, how do you ask for what you need, without appearing needy? The new year provides a natural opportunity to invest in a deeper human connection with your team, coworkers, and manager. The benefits are tremendous.
Today we’re sharing some tips for starting that conversation.
Why Human Connection Matters: Do You Really Need a Best Friend at Work?
There’s a reason Gallup includes the question, “I have a best friend at work” Among its top 12 drivers of employee engagement.
When you have a good friend at work, you are more likely to feel supported, encouraged and valued. And (you know we love this stat), employees with a best friend at work are 27% more likely to report that their opinions seem to count at work.
Apparently, best friends at work are great cheerleaders.
Even if you have many friends in other areas of your life, there is a proven connection between human connection and trust. Most trust research points to connectedness or “intimacy” as a key component of trusting relationships. It’s hard to trust people we don’t know.
Why is it harder now?
Every day we hear concerns about how the lingering feelings of isolation caused by a pandemic are making their staff feel less connected. Most people tell us that having a best friend at work is harder now.
- “I joined my company in the middle of the pandemic, and now we stay completely distant. I haven’t been in the same room with anyone on my team yet.”
- “People hardly turn on their cameras anymore. It’s hard to feel a human connection staring at a bunch of black boxes.”
- “It’s not the water cooler that I miss. I mean, we didn’t even have a real water cooler. But it’s harder for me to get quality one-on-one time with my co-workers on this hybrid team. I have my virtual one-on-one time with my boss, and that Good. But I miss the other human connections.”
- “We’ve shrunk and now we’re all swamped with extra work. It seems no one has time for a casual conversation. And yet, I think we need it now more than ever.”
- “We’re all just racing from one virtual meeting to the next. Technically, I spend all day talking to people. But at the end of the day, I long for human connection.”
- “We used to gather for off-site meetings, but even our year-end meeting was virtual this year. I miss the people.”
- “I thought when we got back to the office, I’d feel more connected. But not much has changed. Honestly, I wonder why I bother making the trip.
How to ask for what you need
This is not an article about the pros or cons of hybrid work, or when to bring people together for what. We have many thoughts on how to do Intentionally and well (see 6 habits of highly effective remote and hybrid teams and some ideas for bringing people together for team innovation).
It’s encouraging the courage to ask for the human connection you need.
We’re writing this because we’ve heard from so many people who feel isolated and lonely at work but feel like “no one else” seems to have a problem.
As one manager put it, “What if I reached out and asked for more time to get to know people and they said no? That would make me feel even worse.”
So today, we offer some starting points to invite a deeper connection when you crave more.
How to invite a conversation about a deeper human connection
Of course, there are many ways to have this conversation. The best way to ask for what you need is to ask for what you need. But, if you’re feeling awkward or alone, here’s an approach that might help.
1. Base your question on the business results
If you’re worried about appearing needy, you can base the conversation around a desire for team success or business results.
for example:
- “I was thinking about how we can speed up our teams’ performance in the new year. And I realized how little we actually know about each other. It seems to me that understanding and knowing a little about each other’s strengths and priorities can really help. How would you feel if you took some time at one of our team meetings to get to know each other a little more?”
- “I really care about the success of this team and have some ideas for how we can collaborate more in the new year. I’d love to hear yours. Can we set up a time to talk?”
- “We depend on each other a lot on this team, and sometimes I think we shy away from the conversations we need to have because we don’t know each other that well. I think there can be real value in starting the new year by building a deeper human connection. Here are some opening Conversations that could help. What else do you think we can do?”
2. Invest in one relationship at a time
If starting with a team conversation feels overwhelming, another approach is to invest in one relationship at a time. What if you identified three people and invested in creating a deeper human connection with them in the new year?
Some conversation starters.
- “It’s been a busy few years, and we’ve all been so busy. I realize how little I know about you as a person. I’d like to change that. Would you like to go to lunch (or have virtual coffee) to get to know each other better?”
- “I admire the work you do, especially your approach to _________. I wonder if we could set up a time to learn more about each other, about our work and how we can help each other.”
- “My New Year’s resolution is to get to know my co-workers better.” Would you like to have lunch (drink, or virtual coffee)?
3. Balance between interest and interesting
One of the biggest challenges we hear from people who feel a lack of human connection at work is that their relationships feel too one-sided. It’s easy to fall into a pattern of over-focusing on others – very interested in learning about other people, but not sharing much about yourself.
Or err on the other side of telling people more about yourself without really being curious about what matters to them. Read more in Authentic Leadership: 5 Big Mistakes That Can Detract from Your Impact.
One of the best ways to make deeper human connections is to appear interested and interesting whenever you can.
your turn
Real human connection doesn’t happen overnight, and it takes deliberate effort, especially in a remote or hybrid team.
And yes, it matters.
If you are at all feeling isolated or disconnected, we encourage you to take the first step to find others who may be yearning for the same.
we’ll be glad to hear from you. What are your best practices for cultivating real human connection at work?
