If you choose to read this, we know you know the type. The guy who thinks they know it all, and doesn’t hesitate to express, question and argue about everything. They offer unsolicited advice or unsolicited help. These characters make you want to scream “Stay in your lane!” or “Hey, I got it!”
The annoying challenge with so many know-it-alls is that they often really do know quite a bit. Sometimes their questions are spot on. A know-it-all can challenge you to think more deeply. When you know your office know-it-all is in the room, you can even anticipate the questions they’ll ask, double-check your data, and prepare your response.
So how do you channel their expertise while maintaining confidence?
Start with empathic connection and curiosity
Know-it-alls can be hard to connect with because they are so annoying. It can be tempting to roll your eyes, walk away and limit exposure. As with most workplace conflicts, it’s helpful to understand what drives their need to say all the things, all the time.
Often what appears to be arrogance, is really a deep insecurity. They try to prove their worth because they don’t feel seen. In other cases, “not everything” is really just trying to help. For one reason or another, they may not realize the impact of their unwanted help. Of course you can deal with an egomaniac who really thinks he has all the answers. It’s hard to know what’s really going on until you connect on a human level and appear curious.
Either way, it will be easier to get a Genie talk without a diaper About the effect their attitude has on you and others if they know you really care about them and their kindness.
And from there, here are some powerful conversation starters to help deal with your concerns with the not-it-all.
Powerful phrases to help those in the know understand the impact of their attitude
Your know-it-alls may not realize the impact they have. Sometimes a gentle conversation to point out the behavior and influence can make a huge difference.
- “I really care about you as a co-worker and I want you and our team to succeed. I have an idea that might help your communication and strengthen our team collaboration, would you be open to a conversation about it?”
- “I’m sure your intentions are good. And sometimes, when you tell me what to do, it makes me feel like you’re questioning my expertise.
- “I know you’re trying to help. And I have to tell you how your attitude today made me feel.
- “How do you think the meeting went today? What did you notice about the others in the room?
- “I know you have a lot of ideas and I appreciate how much you care about the business. I’ve noticed that sometimes you dominate the conversation and others seem to shut down. For example _______. I’m curious to know what you think you can do to ensure others have a voice. The INSPIRE method works well here.
- “I’m sure you don’t mean to make me feel that way. And sometimes when you offer advice in areas where I have a lot of expertise, it makes me feel . . .”
Powerful phrases to bring more voices into the room
One way to do this is to take them aside and invite your knowledge to help draw other voices into the conversation. Another is to intervene when they are taking a breath and redirect the conversation.
- “I know you have a lot of expertise in this area, and I appreciate your perspective. I could really use your help to engage others in the conversation. Do you think you could help me do that at the next meeting?”
- “Thank you for sharing your perspective. Now I really want to make sure everyone else has the opportunity to share as well.” See also: How to prevent your well-intentioned big mouth from hijacking your virtual meeting.
- “I want to make sure we hear from everyone, so I’m going to set the timer for five minutes, and give everyone who wants to share their ideas the same amount of time to speak.
Powerful phrases to share your expertise with the know-it-all or get them off your back
Of course, sometimes you just have to stand your ground and share your expertise. These powerful phrases can help you redirect the conversation and politely make it clear to your expertise that you’re not in the market for their help or advice.
- “I really appreciate your willingness to help, here but I have it.”
- “I’ve been working on this for quite some time, and I’m confident in this approach (or decision)”
- “We need to move quickly, so I’m going to make the call.”
- “I see you have strong opinions here, and so do I. I want to make sure you really understand my point of view and perspective. Can we do a quick check to understand what we’re hearing each other say?
- No thanks. I will stay the course.
- That’s interesting, thanks. And if you’ll excuse me, I have to run to another commitment.
Of course, the way you approach a conversation with your insiders will vary depending on your relationship and their acceptance of the conversation. As with all workplace conflicts, showing up with good intentions yourself (a strong desire to help them and foster cooperation), then remaining confident in your expertise and curious about what’s going on for them can make all the difference.
your turn
What advice do you have for someone dealing with a know-it-all colleague? What strong phrases would you recommend?
12 powerful phrases to help you navigate challenging conflicts in the workplace
