It’s easy for true gratitude to get lost in the whirlwind of formal recognition programs, everyday etiquette, and the relentless push for more and better. The progress is good. You need recognition. And kindness is essential. But none of these is true gratitude.
True gratitude begins with deep humility. It changes us.
True gratitude changes our relationships. It changes the game.
Manners are not gratitude
Yet many leaders try to check the gratitude box with a “thanks-for-passing-the-sauce” type of gratitude.
- …thanks for this report
- …Thanks for the update
- …Thank you for coming to the meeting
- …thanks for returning my phone
These kindnesses matter. we need them But they are not gratitude.
Recognition is not gratitude
Many organizations also do a pretty good job with formal recognition—it takes time to determine who deserves a plaque, an award, and a celebration. These rituals may come from a place of deep gratitude, but not necessarily. Often, they are based on numbers, ratings or “it’s that time of year”. You won’t find gratitude in a spreadsheet or calendar.
True gratitude involves a deeper pause of gratitude. But many leaders, at every level of organizations, miss this vital pause.
Gratitude is missing when…
- A manager hears a presentation and immediately responds with questions, concerns, criticism and challenges, without stopping to consider the depth and breadth of the work involved, the long hours and creative thinking.
- A middle manager, frustrated in his current role, ignores his long career of exciting challenges and developmental experiences.
- The team leader recognizes the team’s constant progress, but fails to understand the deep personal sacrifices of her team.
- A team member resents a co-worker’s promotion, ignoring all the ways he’s grown himself over the past year.
Thanks and recognition are for the shelter. As leaders, it is our job to say “thank you” and recognize a job well done.
But true gratitude is also about the giver. True gratitude changes your leadership.
An inexhaustible source of gratitude for leadership
One source of gratitude that never dries up is the recognition of choice.
People don’t have to follow you, don’t have to appear, and don’t have to bring their creativity or initiative.
They choose to do.
Even your direct reports don’t have to follow your leadership. Every day people choose to be part of your team. contribute and engage. or not. But it is always their choice.
“Wait a minute,” you might say, “if they don’t do their job we can fire them.”
You are right of course, but it is their choice. True gratitude begins when you realize that everyone is volunteering. They choose:
- If they will be part of your team.
- How will they appear?
- Whether to participate fully or call him.
- The level of effort they will give.
- How well they will perform their role.
When you embrace this basic truth—that everyone volunteers—it will change your leadership forever. Every action from anyone on your team becomes a gift.
“Everyone volunteers” shares David from a central stage
Every ounce of energy they spend on a project is a gift. Your leadership work shifts from power to invitation, from control to influence, from fear to gratitude. You will not lead to squeezing out the worst, but bringing out the best.
Practical ways to practice true gratitude
Cultivating gratitude will open up daily opportunities to communicate your encouragement and genuinely thank people for their choices and contributions. Here are three suggestions for making the most of those moments.
1) Focus on the person, the process and the results
There is a big difference between gratitude for what a person does and the person himself. Get to know the person, the process and the result.
Adam: Sometimes just, simply, “I appreciate you” are the most powerful words you can say.
Process: “I am so grateful for how you are approaching this problem. I see how diligently you are working.” It’s not always about the result.
If you know how to respond to innovation and ideas, you’ll recognize the first step as being grateful for their process: “Thank you for thinking about how we can improve.”
Result: “You did it! I’m so grateful for what you’ve accomplished here.” As we rush to the next goal, it’s easy to forget gratitude for the results. Taking the time to look people in the eye or send a handwritten note to express your gratitude will reinforce this achievement for you and your people.
2) Be specific and what and why
Even leaders who are good at expressing gratitude often focus on what they are grateful for. But that’s only half the story.
Karin shares ways to make mindfulness a daily habit.
What they did, or are doing, is important. And you’ll increase the value of your gratitude when you finish the story by sharing why it’s important.
For example, “I’m grateful for the extra time you spent with this client, or solving that patient’s complaint or solving our client’s problem. I saw the extra work and the client called me and told me what a difference it made to them. Or the patient noted in her comments after checking How significant it is to her and her family and how much she appreciates it.”
3) Mix silence and growth
There are times when it makes sense to start a coaching conversation with gratitude.
For example, if someone comes up with some unconventional solutions that don’t immediately make sense to you, you might start with: “I’m grateful for the work you’ve put into this project and the creative solutions you’ve come up with. And I want to explore how you see these fitting into our strategic priorities.”
In the conversation that follows, you may gain insights into new creative approaches, or the team member may learn more about what’s most important and how they can contribute.
But you want to be careful about always following gratitude with growth opportunities. Too many “I’m grateful and…” conversations will undermine your gratitude and make people feel like nothing they do is good enough.
Sometimes gratitude followed by silence is most effective.
And so, we want to end with our own gratitude.
We are grateful for you and your commitment to person-centered leadership. We see you try, learn, get up and try again.
And with your consistent effort, you make a difference. For your people, your community and the world.
Thanks.
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